Body,  Life

Our Bodies and the Bedroom

Most of us, if not all of us, have at some point, felt self conscious about our bodies in the bedroom.

What’s meant to be something pleasurable and often special between two people can very quickly become your nightmare because you hate your body and therefore think your partner hates your body too.

So you dim the lights or even switch them off, you don’t buy the sexy lingerie, you dive under the covers before you can be seen and you don’t enjoy it as much as you should and could because you’re too worried about your body.

It ends up with you focusing on everything but the task at hand.

“What does my butt look like from that angle?”

“My boobs look like pancakes when I lie like this”

“Please don’t notice my stomach bulge”

“Does he/she wish I was thinner?”

This is a distraction and changes the whole game.

At the end of the day, the person you are with wants to do this with you, they have seen your body and I really don’t think that bulge is what they’re thinking about while in the moment.

I am no expert but I have been there, and still am a lot of the time, which is why I think it’s important to discuss it and share some things that could help you feel a bit more confident or at least comfortable.

What it is and what it could be

Just take a moment to imagine how different the experience could be if you just focused on what was going down (oops). Put the doubt, fears and overthinking aside and enjoy it for what it is.

Buy the damn lingerie

Have you ever even tried it? Or have you just shot down the idea because you feel like your body won’t fit into sexy lingerie or doesn’t deserve to be in it? You have no idea how sexy it can make you feel. Make sure it fits nicely and then work it.

Fake it till you make it

Fake the confidence if you need to, eventually it will become second nature.

Embrace being naked

We are in our most natural and beautiful state when we are naked. Own that! Lie in bed naked for a while after your bath or shower. Walk around the house naked for a while. It’s almost like a desensitization technique.

Be in the moment

If you took some time to be in the moment you would see how just how much your partner is enjoying it and you. This will make you feel more comfortable.

Flip the coin

Think about how you feel about your partner, do you point out all their “flaws” while in the moment? Do you focus on what their body looks like? No! So what makes you think they are doing that?

Work on yourself

Start seeing your own beauty and forget the image that you have in your mind of what beauty is and looks like because that image is not real. Take time to learn to love yourself because it can change your life entirely.

What matters while having sex is not what your body looks like but what your body is feeling and experiencing.

Photo by Viliman Viliman on Unsplash

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I speak my truth. ?Body positivity ❤️Self love ?Budget plus size fashion ? Real life ? Fashion Merchandiser 9-5. Wannabe helper of women 2


  • Lizna Erkelens

    I can relate with so much of what you’re saying. I think wearing something you actually feel good in is a really good start to hush those little voices. Like I feel sexy in a pantie with an over-sized t-shirt, wearing that to bed is already half of the race won in my head.

  • Charlene

    I often find myself being super self-conscious and wanting to hide. Luckily JP is so attentive and makes sure to praise my body. I find that just telling him how I feel helps relieve some of the stress and then I can let go. Great post Kerry!

    • Kerry Heathfield-Sharper

      Communication is very important and of course if you have an understanding partner it makes it a lot easier. It is also super important for us to be able to comfort ourselves and help ourselves feel sexy.

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