I often wonder what my child will look like. I think about the moment you meet your newborn for the first time, it must be surreal and magical. I try and imagine how my life would change if and when I have a mini me, but I am sure that everything I have thought of isn’t even close to how much it would change and I know that I could never ever fully understand what it would be like until I give birth to life’s most precious gift. Which is why I am scared.
I am at the age now where I feel as though the decision needs to be made. Are we doing this or are we not? And this is not just because of the constant questions about it, the pressure from all angles or the hints that the potential grannies throw our way. I just know that I don’t have much longer to wait. I can’t keep putting the decision off. It doesn’t have to happen now, but I need to know soon-ish if it is ever going to happen.
I love children, they are cute, they teach you about yourself, they are a miracle, they add something to life that nothing else can. They give you a sense of purpose and that is scary because if I don’t have one will I regret it in 20 years’ time when I have reached the peak of my career, traveled, experienced everything I want to, and am at a point where a child is the only thing that I want. But it will be too late.
The truth is, I am petrified of having a child for SO many reasons. But I am even more petrified of not having a child and wishing I did.
I am undecided. I always thought I’d be a mother. I even have names. I have thought about schools. But now that it’s nearing crunch time, I just don’t know.
I worry that I won’t be a good mother because I am still quite selfish, I need my own time when I hit a wobbly with my mental health and I just don’t know if I can do it. I mean, how will I ever know if I don’t do it? And then it will be too late if I’m a bad mother.
I worry that I am not financially stable enough and will never be. My childhood was difficult. We struggled financially and even though I am already better off than my parents were I just don’t understand how everyone makes it work. I know I will have to sacrifice but when you don’t even make it to the end of the month pre baby, how will you do it post baby?
I worry about the future of the world and think that it might be selfish to bring a child into it. I am not judging anyone at all who is doing that. This is my personal worry.
I worry that I will suffer with Post Natal depression because I feel like I am a candidate. As you can tell I worry, I overthink, I struggle to cope in a situation that I have no control over. I get overwhelmed when everything isn’t in order. All of these things will happen when a child comes. How will I handle it? Will I somehow change as a person when they put that baby in my arms for the first time?
I worry about being so unsure at this point. Shouldn’t I know by now if I want this or not?
I worry, about everything.
This is one of the biggest decisions of my life and I am too scared to even discuss it with my husband because what happens when we make the final decision?
I am scared of having a child, I am scared of not having a child. I am scared I am running out of time to make the decision. I am worried I make the wrong one.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this. How did you know when it was time? Or that it wasn’t something you want?