I have always agreed that every body is a summer body and whole heartedly encouraged everyone to just suck it up (not suck it in) and put that costume on and not give a shit about anyone else. Everyone, except myself of course.
Up until last year I didn’t even own an “adult” costume, by adult costume I mean the last cozzie I owned was in my teens because I gave up on fun in the sun when I gained some extra kilos.
Let’s skip to the exiting part – it was hot, I wanted to tan (also a first) so I put my costume on and looked in the mirror waiting for the self-loathing to start but it didn’t….
I turned around slowly examining every part of my body, every roll and every curve and I didn’t feel gross. In fact, I turned around again and again waiting for my reality to smack me in the face which would result in me taking it off in a huff and going to drink a glass of water and eat a carrot.
But instead of having a temper tantrum in front of the mirror I had a little giggle. It was a nervous giggle because it was a new feeling. I didn’t hate it, I didn’t want to take it off immediately and I even wanted to take a photo because who passes up the chance to document such a huge moment?
So I did.
And it is my favourite damn photo on my Instagram page.
It might not be a full body photo just yet but it is progress considering there was a stage where I wouldn’t even wear a strappy top without some form of cover up and the layers, don’t even get me started on the layers! Thirty degree weather and there I would be wearing three tops because one was too short and the other showed too much of my arms.
When I think about how much time I have wasted covering myself up, sweating in the scorching heat in layers of clothes, missing out on beach trips or even just avoiding going costume shopping at the beginning of summer I get sad. Why did I miss it? Because of what I thought other people would think and because I didn’t even try to like myself.
Missing out on life or hiding myself for the sake of preventing a dirty look or a potential nasty comment from someone (which may never even happen) is literally a waste of time and I don’t want to waste any more of my time.